Transformers – Destroy and Protect
Their War. Our World.
|Directors: Michael Bay|
|IMDB Rating: 7.4
out of 10 (166,258 votes)
“Transformers” 2007 by Michael Bay – Movie Review
If you think that good battle-robots Autobots and bad battle-robots Decepticons have landed on our dearest planet Earth in 2007 – you’re strongly mistaken. Because they came to our world in the times of the notorious Moscow Olympiad-80, when suddenly bubble-gum and coca-cola appeared in Moscow for the first time. Although the robots landed not in Moscow but in Japan. That is where these amusing robots-transformers were invented. They were the models of different automobiles which then could be transformed into battle robots.
The American toy company Hasbro got interested in these toys and bought the rights to produce them in the US. Interested in the American toy company Hasbro, and then bought the rights to their production in the States. Due to the fact that they approach marketing in the USA with all the possible seriousness. That’s why these nameless by the time auto-robots received their personal names. Which is more, they received a whole history explaining which planet they came form and what they do here. Well, and thirdly, the whole comics industry started hard work on creating the epci story of the planet Cybertrone on which the good robots Autobots under the leadership of brave General Optimus Prime (originally it was Prime Time but later reduced to simply Prime) are fighting against the bad robots Decepticons headed by an treacherous Megatron.
Thus, everyone was happy: Hasbro sold megatons of transformers, the Marvel company produced mountains of comics, and Sunbow Production crafted animated cartoons about the adventures of elusive Autobots behind the Decepticons’ enemy line. In the end Sunbow even produced full-length animated film “Transformers” in which Autobots and Decepticons arrive on Earth and start all kinds of battles, while a guy named Spike is helping our folks Autobots. But the movie was a failure. Why? Either due to the fact that there were too many robots and too few people, or due to the fact that the kids already got fed up with transformers – it is hard to say. After that the Transformers have almost disappeared – people lost interested in them. The new type of heroes has settled in the kids’ hearts – Spiderman, Pokemons and the like, resulting in the transformers being forgotten in the far corners of dusty garages. Nobody was interested in the fate of the planet Cybertron anymore.
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However, in the mid-nineties Hasbro managed to revive the interest in the transformers. They invented a new concept: robots can now be transformed into animals. After that when the creators imagination started to blossom with new models, the kids’ interest woke up again, resulting in creating fan-communities which could fiercely argue upon which transformer is more cool – a hamster/crocodile or eagle/ram type.
So what does the movie have to do with that – you may want to ask? Money, my dear, the money! When the Dreamworks studio learned that there almost three billion transformers sold throughout the world, they’ve got a sudden nervous hiccup and decided that the time has come for them to reap some reward from transformers. Spielberg got himself involved in the project, and his shy smile told us that he was going to make some little bit of money with transformers. He has got the project moving – the rights were purchased, the screenplay was ordered, etc. Then they announced that Michael Bay was to direct the “Transformers” – yes, that same Michael Bay whose movies portray brawny guys who save the whole fucking world, and smiling Afro-Americans who continuously crack jokes, and fast cars which keep on speeding and darting around. That same Michael Bay whose genius makes a lousy “Ferrari” spend half an hour trying all in vain to catch up with a huge tractor-trailer.
The Transformers fan communities on the Internet didn’t appreciate the candidacy of Bay (well, this is typical I’d say). ‘Who’s that Michael-Schmichael anyway?’ – the fans yelled at the forums. He doesn’t understand a bit in robots! He doesn’t know at all what Transformers are! he is only good for shooting some driveling patriotic flicks of the ‘let-all-the-good-guys-from-across-the-land-along-with-wiseass-Afro-Americans-drive-nice-fast-and-furious-cars-to-save-this-fucking-world’ type. Although there’s been some truth in the fans idle talk, that kind of truth was totally unacceptable for Michael Bay and Dreamworks.
They started shooting in such an environment of harassment from all the envious fans. Bay was so stressed with such environment that he demanded the twelfth security and secrecy level for all the shooting stages which corresponds to clinical paranoia in its most brutal manifestations. The final version of the script has never been typed on a computer so that the hackers were not able to steal the script. The script was written in an ancient way – pencil on the paper. The stack with the script was packed in a suitcase, which was carried by Bay everywhere, he even took it to the shower.
Still the fans got their hands on some bits of information from time to time, and they immediately began to criticize and ridicule, each time reducing Bay to tears. And only Spielberg was able to calm him down with an ironical smile and a kind word. He always said: ‘Son, who are these fans to you? Are they going to pay money to see the ‘Transformers’ movie? No hope! The fans will download the camrip from the Internet and start bitching again. Remember that our audience are the pop-corn devouring guys and their girlfriends, who will come to the cinema, buy a ticket, and that’s where our money flow starts. So relax, Michael, and enjoy. Fans are not our audience. F**k the fans!’ Ok, ok, I have imagination, can I? Spielberg never said so, though I would if I were him.
So what was the resulting Transformers movie? You might laugh, but it turned out to be a typical Bay’s thriller, where a lot of good solid American guys are saving the world using the latest U.S. weapons, shown in great detail and very pointedly, the main character is a typical nerd who managed to overcome his nerdiness, save the world, save the good robots, seduce the impressive chick, who used to overlook him before; plus the foolish American President in red socks (something Bay never allowed himself before), a courageous Minister of Defense (John Voight has been obviously demoted as he’s been a President previously in Bay’s movie), a mysterious Sector 7, a pile of patriotic shit, Afro-American cracking jokes, a female blonde super-hacker, great car chases – in general, a complete set of traditional Bay’s features, as if you take and mix a cocktail out of “Pearl Harbor,” “Armageddon,” “Bad Boys II” and “The Island” and then spice it up with sweet-and-sour sauce of “Independence Day” by Emmerich.
It would seem that a movie with such fastfood-type collection of features is not only unnecessary to watch but even not recommended to. Well, it’s not true. There’s one thing in the ‘Transformers’ because of which you simply must see this movie, regardless of all muscled guys, nerds, presidents and blonde female hackers. This thing is TRANSFORMERS! Oh boy, what are they doing on the screen – you’ll drop your jaw, spill your beer and forget to wipe it dry.
The creators of the ‘Transformers’ movie decided not to mix up with all kinds of newly popular animal transformers – they went for the good old battle robots – Prime-time’s Autobots and Megatron’s Decepticons! The Autobots turn into cool cars, speed hither and thither, and then unfold into large humanoid robots, and there starts the action!
One of the main Autobot characters – nice yellowy transformer Bumblebee – turns into the old rusty 1975 Chevrolet Camaro, which drives the main human character – nerdy Sam (Shia LaBeouf) and his gorgeous girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox). Optimus chooses the form of the classic truck, while the rest of the Autobots turn into what Spielberg was paid for by the automobile industry corporations. Bad robots mainly transformed into military equipment, which was provided by the U.S. Army that has been traditionally pleased to work with Michael Bay, who always portrayed brave American military men, sir, as admirable guys, sir, armed with the most modern military technology, sir, and their wives, sir, are waiting at their homes, sir, with newborn babies, sir, and even if the enemies, sir, are ranting, sir, that the soldiers haven’t been at home for two years, sir, we do not care, sir, yes, sir!
The level of computer graphics in this movie is just fantastic. Although we’ve been already pampered with all the CG flooding from the screens, I must admit that Bay has surpassed himself, and the visual effects studios have surpassed themselves! Transformers are modeled to the smallest detail, they are folding and unfolding, rolling, speeding, flying, shooting and somersaulting with such drive that it simply takes your breath away!
It’s good that almost all the considerable funds from the ‘Transformers’ budget were put into visual effects and computer graphics. Thus the ‘Transformers’ movie has so much computer graphics of extremely high quality that it can satisfy even such viewers as myself who don’t give a damn about the fairy tales of brawny military men, fragile nerds, witty Afro-Americans and young blonde PhD’s.
Yes, yes and yes again – you need to watch this garbage, and on the big screen, definately! Forget about the script and the plot! When you see huge humanoid robots hoping all over the Hoover Dam and galloping on the bridges and skyscrapers of Los Angeles as they fight with each other and with modern air force (by the way, the planes and tanks are also very impressive – especially for those countries that have discord with democracy in terms of selling the oil to the States), see them transforming and racing with each other in the form of automobiles (Bay is traditionally skillful in shooting car chases) – you will get numbed and amazed, I assure you!
And besides, the film does have a few really good jokes and really funny characters like that fat black hacker and a bit weird head of Sector 7 played by a brilliant John Turturro. Oh well, yes, ‘Transformers’ movie is a complete buffoonery, but because it is about saving the world, baby, we can’t do without buffoonery, can we?
By the way, the world has been saved. Again. I wonder if they are not bored with saving the world every time?
Transformers Theatrical Trailer – May 2007
Transformers 2007 by Michael Bay – a feast for the eyes. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious visual effects – forget the plot, watch Transformers transform and chase and fight.